Oh Honey

Every year I take part in my school’s house plays. I really love it, but every year I am stuck with a terrible role. Three years ago I was a peasant cleaner, two years ago I was a school girl that morphed into a super fly body guard (two for one special, way to say resourceful) and last year a played a man…it was Harvey Specter who is sent from heaven, but I was a man. However, my luck looked up this year, when I got the role of bloody Winnie the Pooh.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved playing a giant, fat yellow bear who loves eating. Sounds just like me right? To be fair, the producers made the right decision and I actually enjoyed being involved in the play, but playing Pooh Bear was not Hannah in her prime. I am not an optimistic and happy person which Winnie is. I am sarcastic and obnoxious and frankly, often rude. This is why getting the role of Pooh came as a shock to me.

But just you wait; Karma is hiding in the background to make life even better for dear old Hannah. My costume was superb. It was far too tight around my boobs and it gave me, how do I put this nicely? A CAMEL TOE. I had to stand on stage, in front of hundreds of people (jokes only 5 people come to house plays) with a camel toe the size of freaking Mars. I kept spotting people I knew in the audience and thinking ‘I have lost any respect I have every earned for myself. You might as well die right here on stage’ oh it was marvelous.

Then bloody Karma strikes again. Every second line out of my mouth was about how much I loved food and eating it (well duh, what else does one do with food?). Perfection, I was dressed in a yellow onesies with a camel toe and praising the gods of pizza and bacon. If I ever thought I would get a boyfriend, all hope was finally lost! As per usual, Bleby ended the night winning basically nothing and I went home with my tail between my legs. The next day teachers were saying they loved my performance and girls I had never met were high-fiving me in the corridors. While I wish I could say this made me feel good, I was simply embarrassed. Imagine my English teacher marking a test and chuckling as they remember me wearing a yellow, camel toe bearing onesie, how perfect?

All jokes aside, I really love Bleby and the entire cast and crew from house plays. Bleby actually won the award for best set design and costumes so GO TEAM! The director and producer were amazing and so was the play. I am just a brat and super dramatic! What can I say?