Hagrid, is that you?

Anyone who knows me well, will know my family calls me Hagrid for a reason. Not because I am giant wizard who was wrongly expelled for a crime he didn’t commit only to become the grounds man for Hogwarts and also befriend three young students, but because we have the same hair. Curly, wild and bushy, you would swear we shared a mother! Don’t worry, we don’t actually, or that would explain why I resemble a giant…

You are all welcome

Now because my mom has seemingly thinner in hair in comparison to me, it is understandable the two of us hadn’t really mastered how to tame the mane. At the end of grade 6, it was extremely bad. I don’t know if you will understand the severity of the situation, but I had a giant knot, the size of two fists at the back of my head with little fringe pieces hanging out and that was it. I had tried covering it with conditioner and combing through it. The results included an empty bottle of conditioner and a comb that snapped in half. I also tried to randomly cut pieces out, but that didn’t work out so well.

Then the tragic day came, when they called every student to the front office for a lice check. Well I was definitely being punished because I was sent home to my mother with lice (let me remind you, lice like clean hair, so those stuck up 6 girls who remained at school lice-less, we were the real winners). When my mother discovered the severity of the situation, she realized a change needed to be made.

It was clear life couldn’t continue this way, and so to the hairdresser we went where I kid you not, they chopped all my hair off. I had a genuine afro, and not the cool looking one, more like the troll doll looking one. Now of course it had to happen right before I started grade 7, the start of my wondrous social life and my rise to fame. What a joke! If my brother and I every looked like twins, it was then. We literally had the same haircut. How was I supposed to make a name for myself in the social world of lumo and cowboy socials when I looked like I was on the other team (or maybe playing for it?).

It was very obviously a traumatic time for me, and very clearly the reason I remained single all the way through grade 7 while my friends were all vibing with seemingly shorter boys with squeaky voices. Maybe I was actually saved from an experience I would most probably regret now! 

Who is Hannah?

Well hello there my little friends! Now I know you may be in shock, I mean who is Hannah? Where did she come from? Why hasn't she blogged in such a long time? Well I would love to say it was because I was really busy and I had no time, but I can't because that would be a lie! But I honestly just haven't had anything exciting to write about, but now I do!

Last week Tuesday (I know it is a long time ago) I went to the movies with my mom. Mainly because it was half price at Ster-Kinekor, but also because I love her very, very much. Now my mother is an absolute John Green fan and has apparently read The Fault in our Stars four times so it was only fitting we watched it. Now my mom cried when we saw the trailer the other day, so I knew her tears would be inevitable. During the movie however she raged out a bit. Why you may ask? Well because half price movie night brings all the ratchets out.

Sitting in the very front of the cinema were a group of teenagers who honestly looked like they were in grade seven and were obviously there just to annoy the shit out of everyone in the cinema. When they were talking in the beginning, I assumed they would shut up as soon as the lights dimmed down, but no, they talked through all the trailers. I assumed they would shut up after the trailers, but no, they talked all the way through the movie. Now when I say talked, they didn't whisper, they basically shouted for the whole cinema to hear. Then they started moving around from seat to seat and giggling. Then groups of them would run out of the cinema every 5 minutes and return with food from forbidden places that were not cinema approved. Now this upset my mother and everyone else in the cinema as they are all trying to cry for Gus and Hazel. My amazing mother, made an effort to swear as loud as possible every time these rats walked past (fear not, PG stuff).

This went on for the entire movie until some cool guy in the cinema jumped over the seat, hit the back of these kids’ chairs and told them to shut the (insert an appropriate word here) up. They replied by calling him something very rude, but they shut up nonetheless. I honestly felt I would be able to murder someone right then and there. Just walk up to them and strangle them all, and while these aren't kosher thoughts, I had them. These children brought out the worst in me, so if you are reading this, I am putting a curse on you all to suffer!

The actual movie was average, the hype created around it really destroyed it for me. I did not cry once, but I balled my eyes out yesterday in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix when Sirius dies, so I guess that tells you all what kind of person I am...

I would also like to say, the Ster-Kinekor Cavendish were absolutely amazing when my mom told them what happened and they handled it like true champs! I will be going back there (obviously, it is the only cinema near me) but seriously, they were really so nice and understanding!

Dumbledore

I once had a ginger cat called Dumbledore. Yes, I am a huge Harry Potter fan, and my mom used to read me the books when I was little. I was about 8 years old, and I loved this cat. He was a bit on the special side and not so much like normal cats, but I loved him none the less. We also had a crazy dog named Jack who was also a bit on the special side. We sound like the Brady Bunch don’t we?

One day we couldn’t find Dumbledore anywhere which upset me no doubt. I looked for him everywhere but this bloody cat did not want to be found. I remember going out, I think it was for ballet, and making my mom promise she would find him. When I got to ballet and saw my friends I probably forgot all about the poor cat, but I was a six year old girl in a pink leotard, I was in my prime.

I came running up the path leading to my house hoping that my mom had found my cat, but I remember feeling disappointed when she fed me some lie about the whereabouts of Dumbledore. I can’t remember if she had said he had died or if she had said he had run away, but it felt as if my life was over.

However depressed I was, life went on and I came to peace with the loss of my precious cat. And then, my stupid brother Alex had to ruin everything for me. You know how some people think they have a tormentor as a brother; let me tell you my brother was worse. If you think you are stuck with an evil mastermind for a sibling, you should know, my situation was worse. My brother decided to share a secret with me my mother had forbidden him to tell. He told me that Jack, his dog, had eaten Dumbledore. But to make matters so much worse and to scar me for life, he proceeded to tell me that all Jack left was his tail and one of his ears. Now I was a six year old girl, so I was bloody traumatized as you can imagine. I ignored Jack for the rest of his life, and he deserved it! He was a horrible creature. I was also mad at my brother for telling me but I had to forgive him because I knew later I would need lifts and money from him. I was obviously mad at my mom for not telling me, but she too was forgiven. I soon learned to love again, and I got another cat and my cat loving void was filled.